February 14, 2010

I'm not even sure what day this would be for my diet. So much has happened since I posted last - 8 months ago. Besides finishing up for Danielle and Ross's wedding, we also acquired a sweet little foster baby straight from the hospital on July 15th. That set our world upside down for awhile getting used to having a baby in the house again. It's all been worth it and wonderful. Now 7 months later we are getting ready to adopt her and she will be legally ours in less than a month.

What a roller coaster ride that has been for my eating choices. It's hard to realize that I needed to admit that I can be an emotional eater and I finally admitted that I have an addiction to food. I couldn't admit that when I started my lifestyle change, it took me a year to get there. The thought that I don't have control over something was devastatingly awful to me. But now I'm there, admitting that I have this struggle and will have this struggle the rest of my life. The problem with it is it's not like I can live without food like an alcoholic can live without alcohol or a drug addict can live without their drug of choice. I have to eat to live, so I have to make purposeful choices to eat the right foods all the time. Something that I've been struggling to do since July.

I'm finally almost to having lost 100 lbs. and I keep swinging back and forth between the lowest weight I've been and 5 lbs more than that. Tiffany from metabolic the other night said, you are teasing yourself, you are self sabotaging. When you finally decide you want it bad enough, you'll do it. My problem doesn't tend to be Monday - Thursday it's Friday - Sunday. I don't know why I can't make the good healthy choices on the weekends. It's not that hard and the foods I eat I like. I know I can do it, I just need to do it. So here I go starting again tomorrow to see if I can make the proper choices and eat the way I need to all week long. I even asked Jerry and the kids to stop buying the stuff I would call crap food and having it in the house. They struggle with not being able to have it just because mom/wife can't have it, or chooses not to want to eat it, but that truly is the help I need. Lately though it's not about the food in the house, it's about the choices I make eating out. I've also been battling some health issues lately which have made it hard to eat on plan because I've wanted soft foods that are easier to eat. The first one was 3 weeks ago when I had to have an abscessed tooth removed, not easy to eat chicken or veggies when there's a space in your mouth that's healing. Then this weekend I got a sinus infection and my throat hurt, so I just wanted cold soft things. Yesterday morning I made the right choice by making a metabolic shake, but the rest of the day was down hill for choices.

So pray for me that I'll get back on track, stay on track and finish up this goal that Jerry and the kids want to see me succeed at, along with me. I feel so good where I'm at and just think I'll feel even better when I'm done. The other change I've made is that I've started working part time at Metabolic. It's a lot of fun and I love working with the ladies that have helped me on my weight loss journey. I thought this would help me get back on track and stay on track, but somehow that hasn't motivated me either. I will get there!! I believe that with God's help and everyone praying for my success, I will get the rest of this weight off and keep it off.

I'm posting a pic to show how good I'm looking so far, but know I'll be looking so much better when I'm done!!

Day 205

I can't believe that it's been almost 50 days since I've blogged last. I have had many ups and downs since the last time I blogged. We've had a lot that has been accomplished too.

I've hit the 60 lb. mark and I'm currently 3 lbs. from losing 70 lbs. I was measured and weighed in at my 6 month mark and had lost 57.25 inches at that point. I couldn't believe how many inches I had lost, because that was almost 20 inches in 1 month. Next Tuesday will be 7 months that I've been doing this lifestyle change.

Jerry and I celebrated our 15 yr. anniversary on May 21st, and since that point I've been making choices to not follow plan each week. Jerry and I went to dinner on our anniversary to Beacon Hills, they have a yummy dessert that I wanted. I had also eaten a meal that wasn't totally on plan and decided afterwards that it wasn't that spectacular. The weekend that followed was Memorial Day weekend. Danielle, Ross and Mackennzie along with Katie came for the weekend to make flowers for the wedding. I had friends and family out to help us so instead of making a separate meal for myself, I just ate modified versions of what everyone else ate. I ended up gaining a pound and a half after that weekend, but followed plan religiously and lost 4 1/2 lbs at my next weigh in after that. I was quite pleased.

I had Jerry take some pictures today so that I could post them with this writing, don't have much else to talk about. I'm trying to get re-focused so that I'm eating on plan all the time and not justifying that while I'm still losing weight that I can eat things that I shouldn't be. I have been working out a little more. I had been working out several times a week until 2 weeks ago and then the kids schedules got hectic with lots of things going on and I wasn't home to work out. I've worked out twice this week on the elliptical and it feels great!! Just need to keep eating the way I should and I'm sure that I'll be back on the fast track to losing more than a pound or two a week.

Also, I've gotten into my dress that I bought for Kelli's wedding but have now decided to wear to Danielle's wedding. In fact it's now a little too big, so I'll have to have it altered prior to the wedding. I just need to find a jacket and shoes to go with it.

Day 153

Another 3 weeks have gone by since my last post. I've hit the 50 lb. mark and I'm well on my way to 60 lbs. Last Thursday was 5 months since I've started this journey to a new life. I was weighed and measured and came in at 54 lbs. and 37.75 inches lost from this body. Can you believe I've lost 3 feet of fat from my body? I can't believe it. I'm still in awe at how I've lived the last 15 years of my life just allowing myself to gain weight and not be motivated to stay healthy. I know others call it complacency, but seriously, I got a little to complacent.

So I had a goal to make it one month w/o cheating. I made it 26 days. I had a bit of a rough week this last week. First I need to go back 2 weeks and explain how things have been going in our house and how they end up impacting choices that are made. I posted last on Easter and we were supposed to try and go see Jerry's grandpa the day before Easter, but had too many other things going on so we decided to go the following Sunday. We drove to Grand Island and made plans to not only visit Grandpa Pinkman, but we were also going to eat at a place called Texas T-Bone because I had a free dinner for my birthday there. Jessica shared a meal with me and I was able to stay on plan. Then we also decided that Jessica and I had free ice cream from Coldstone Creamery for our birthdays that Jess and Jimmy would get it after we saw Grandpa.

After lunch we headed over to the assisted living facility to see Grandpa and weren't at all expecting what we saw. Chad and Jeanne had visited Grandpa the previous Saturday when we were going to visit and said that he wasn't doing well, but that he was talking with them. We got there and Grandpa was sleeping. Jerry couldn't get him to wake up. A nurse came in to check on Grandpa and Jerry asked about him not waking up. The nurse said that he hadn't slept well, and this was the best he'd been sleeping. She said he could hear everything we said, but wouldn't respond. So Jerry sat there and prayed with him, he talked to him and had the kids talk to him to let him know that we were all there. I couldn't say anything until we got ready to leave. It was too hard. Jessica after talking to Grandpa for a little bit sat on my lap in his chair and cried. It was very hard on both kids. Jimmy went and sat in another chair and just talked with us or would take Grandpa's dog Peaches out to play. She had a lot of energy.

We drove home after doing a little shopping and talked about how we felt seeing Grandpa like that. It just wasn't the same Grandpa any of us had known. The next morning Jerry got a call from his mom, Grandpa passed away the night before around 12:15 am. It's like he was waiting for us to visit and then knew it was ok to give up and be done with this life. Jerry decided that we were going to take an extra day and go help his parents with anything that needed to be done to get ready for the funeral. So I took off Thursday and Friday that week. We ended up helping clean out Grandpa's apartment, which for Jerry was just as hard as seeing him dying. We got to spend some time with his Aunt and Uncle from Aberdeen, and that was nice. Jessica even rode from Grand Island to Ord with Aunt LeAnn since Uncle Eddie rode with Jerry's dad to discuss anything that needed to be taken care of. We said it was really too bad that the only time we got to see each other was because of funerals. Thankfully, the next time we are getting together is for Danielle's wedding so that will be a happy event!! Then we found out that Jerry's cousin Brad is getting married next February so as long as the weather is nice, we'll be traveling to Aberdeen for another wedding. It's great to think that we should have all happy events now and not anymore sad ones for a long time!!

So in getting ready to go to Ord on Thursday, it seemed like we were running and constantly had things going on because Jessica's birthday was the following Saturday and after the funeral Danielle, Ross and Mackennzie were coming back with us, so my house needed to be clean and ready for company. I didn't get my meals planned, but ended up deciding to kind of wing it. So we just went to the grocery store for the food I needed and did things that way instead of me packing a cooler here. Jerry's mom rented an entire house for us to use while we were there. She didn't have room in her house for all of us. The house was very nice and then we used it for the lunch after the funeral.

On our way home from Ord we decided to go to Red Robin for supper in Lincoln because I had a coupon for a free meal for my birthday. I had gone back and forth in my mind about having their chicken tortilla soup. I knew it was off plan, but it sounded so good. We were about 20 miles out of Lincoln and I shared with Jerry and Jessica that I'd been struggling back and forth in my mind about it. Well, I decided it was worth it so I had it and then ate part of a chicken caesar wrap with Jessica. We told the waitress we were celebrating both of our birthday's and knew they would bring sundaes out. Well I told Danielle she could have mine, but when they came to sing to us and brought the ice cream, Danielle was in the bathroom changing Mackennzie so I started eating the ice cream. The next thing you knew, it was all gone. I looked at Jerry and said, it tasted really good. He said, was it worth it? I said, for now, yeah. Then he said, well I don't blame you at all for eating it. I did fine the rest of the weekend, even with Jessica having ice cream pie from Schwan's at her party.

This last week at work we were celebrating the bank being there for 100 years. We had cookies every day and then on Wednesday and Thursday we had a hot dog lunch with chips and water. On Friday we had cake to celebrate. I had done really good with staying away from the cookies Monday and Tuesday, but on Wednesday I gave in and ate an M&M/oatmeal cookie. It tasted good, but after I had lunch I felt sick to my stomach. I went to my weigh in and measure on Thursday night and told Robin the center manager and she laughed and said "Good, I'm glad you felt yucky!!" "That's your body's way of telling you that it's not good for you." We were laughing at how she was saying how good that was and I said I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach, and she said I kind of wish you were. LOL!! These are good things to learn and to help me get back on track and stay on track. Robin said, ok you made it this long, now get right back up there and start a new month with the goal. You will get there.

After that I have been feeling like I'm ready to be done. I don't want to be done losing weight, I'm just getting tired of eating this way and my family eats differently from me. I feel like if I wasn't so restricted in my eating that I'd be able to eat with the family and still make healthy choices. So my friend Patty said maybe to check with Robin and find out if there are any other woman who have the same goal that I've got and have made it to see how they got re-motivated part way through their weight loss. I feel like I'm really only about 1/3 of the way through this process and have way more to go to get where I want to be. I'm going to see about that on Monday or Tuesday when I weigh in.

So that's where I'm at in this journey of weight loss!! 60 lb. board here I come and hopefully 70 lb. board will be right there behind it. My goal I think for this month is that I'll be at the 70 lb. board by the end of May. I'm supposed to be at 78 1/2 lbs. by the end of the month, but I don't think that's going to happen, so I'll be content with 70, and then by the middle of June being closer to 80 lbs. Hopefully by Danielle's wedding I'll be at the 100 lb. mark. God only knows where I'll be though. Have a GREAT WEEK!!

Day 133

Wow, I can't believe that it's been 3 weeks since I've posted last. Today is Easter Sunday and I'm preparing the meal for my family. We are having my mom and sister Angie, along with my nephew Damien for lunch and then my sister Sarah and niece Taylor will be out later after spending lunch with my other sister Carol and my dad. Long story, but basically the family is divided and I often wonder if we'll ever reunite and be able to spend holiday's together as an entire family.

The last time I posted I had hit the 40 lb. board. As of last Thursday I was 2 1/2 lbs. from the 50 lb. board and think I'll hit it sometime this next week. I'm really excited. I get more and more excited because basically from the beginning to middle of February through the end of March I wasn't able to stay on track with the plan on the weekends. I'd have little cheats here and there. I would be ok with it because I was still losing weight. I finally got to a point where I wasn't ok with it because I was only dropping 1 lb. a week. While some of you might think, at least you are still losing weight, my thought process was Metabolic promises me an average loss of 3-5 lbs. per week as long as I stay on the plan. I'm paying out good money to lose 3-5 lbs. a week and I'm not following what they are tellng me to do. So my friend Patty recommended that I sit down with Robin so that I could have a good talk with her to help me get back on track. I did exactly that. Even though I knew Robin would give me the "look". You know the one that says, "I don't understand why you are doing this to yourself. I know that you can do this, and you are making choices that aren't good for you." I hate the "look". Patty reminded me that it's the accountability look she was giving me and whenever she got it from Robin she didn't like it either, but we all need it.

So that night for my weigh in which was about 2 weeks ago, Robin came out and I said, I need a Robin weigh in, I'm needing the "look". She laughed, grabbed my chart and said, ok, let's go. We talked and I shared with her how I don't understand how I'm making choices and justifying them throughout the weekend. I shared where I had made different choices through the weekend and that each time I'd say well it was only this many calories, or I'll just work it off in a workout, or I'll still lose weight. Then Robin reminded me how this program isn't focused on calories. It's focus is on our blood sugars and how these foods are scientifically proven the way they are eaten together to keep your blood sugars at a certain level in order to aid in burning fat and attaining weight loss. So that really helped. She said, maybe you need to start with a small goal as far as eating goes. Start out saying for the month of April, I'm not going to deviate from the plan at all. Then once you see that you got through April, do the same thing for May. So I took that and put it into play.

I was telling Robin how I thought this month was going to be harder than getting through Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. You see, I had already figured that each weekend was going to be blown because the first weekend in April was Mackennzie's first birthday and we were going to be in Pierre from Friday till Sunday. Just being out of town and eating out makes it hard to follow the plan. There are so many areas of distraction. Then this weekend is Easter. Again, how hard will that be with all yummy food, but this seems to be an easier thing than the weekend before. I can just think in terms of Thanksgiving and Christmas for this weekend. Then next weekend is my birthday, who doesn't want to go to their favorite restaurant and celebrate with their favorite foods? The last weekend is Jessica's birthday, which means another birthday party and more eating out.

Well, I made it through last weekend, I even cooked for Mackennzie's party and had everyone else trying the food to make sure it was prepared right instead of trying it myself. I passed out cupcakes and ice cream and didn't touch a thing. Ross's sister Sara even commented how I was a strong woman for being able to do all that and still not even take a lick. I said, I have a greater goal than eating the cupcake. As we left that afternoon to relax at the hotel, I told Jerry that it was totally God's strength that had gotten me through the day, because I didn't even feel like wanting to eat any of it. I had made my layer dip and sloppy joe's and didn't want any of them. I know it had to be God because there's no way before I started this program I would have turned either of those down.

My weigh in's this week helped keep the motivation going, I was a little disappointed Monday that I had only dropped a pound and a half in the last week, but on Thursday when I went in I had dropped another 2 lbs. So that had really helped me to want to stick with it so I can see where I'm at on Monday when I weigh in again. So far this weekend has gone well, but I haven't finished Easter lunch yet either. I don't think I have anything to worry about. I've got God helping me out and getting me through this one step at a time. I've also taken time to reflect what this weekend means and how what God has called me to do is so miniscule compared to what he asked of his son. When it comes to my body, he asks that I make it a living temple for him. So take care of it, right? Why should that be so hard. Especially when I think of what Jesus did so that I could have a relationship with God that is so close and intimate.

I've found that lately I've been struggling with my relationship with God. I'm not understanding why certain things aren't happening. Of course, I'm reminded that it's not my timing and God isn't around just to make things go my way. Ouch!! I still struggle though and I'm needing prayers to help me get out of this funk I've found myself in. It's times like these where I feel like such a hypocrite, but I know that no matter what we are all hypocrites because we attain not to sin, but we still mess up and if we are witnessing to others about God's grace and mercy along with showing them how the bible says to live, it may not match up with how I'm living all the time. So I need to move on.

So as I go into this week and continue to reflect on how my Lord has saved me by dying such a painful death, I pray that my journey to a healthier life becomes a little bit easier. Since it's nothing compared to what he went through.

I'm excited for my birthday on Friday, but really more excited for the plans I've made on Saturday because they don't revolve around food at all. I'm going with my friend Chris and we are getting manicures, pedicures and then yeah, we are going to have lunch. After that she was kind enough to let me go and get a massage, and she'll visit with her sister-in-law who owns the shop where I get my massages at, or she'll watch as her daughter is getting her hair done for prom which is that night.

I'm adding a picture to this post since I didn't get one posted at 40 lbs. and I really like the picture that was taken last night by Jerry. I'm wearing a dress that is 2 sizes smaller than what I was wearing before I started the program. It's a great feeling!!

Day 111

So this week has been a wonderful week. I went in on Tuesday to weigh in and I FINALLY hit the 40 lb. board. It seems like this was the hardest 10 lbs to get through so far. The choices I was making were not always good ones, but most of the time I wasn't feeling guilty about making them either. I'm getting to the point that as long as for the most part I follow the plan, I need to be allowed little indulgences of something different.

My friend Patty who has attained her goal, and has set another one while she's in the next stage of this plan made a good point the other day when I was beating up on myself thinking I could have had another 10 lbs off this body at this point if I hadn't made some of the choices that I had. She said that we are still losing weight because even when we make a choice that's not on plan, we aren't eating the same way we used too. That was a really good thing to read/hear. It's true, I'm not eating all the yucky foods that are bad for me like I used to. I'm not eating the portion sizes that I used to. So it's ok if I choose to make a different food choice because I want to have that taste.

Last weekend I thought was bad until I really took a step back and looked at it, then it didn't seem so bad to me anymore. We went to Sioux Falls for the weekend to meet up with Danielle and a friend for some shopping. We were also hoping to meet up with Dustin and have supper with him at a minimum, but hopefully get to spend a day hanging out with him. Sadly, that didn't happen, but that's ok. Anyway, I was following the plan and then Saturday night I really wanted the chocolate dessert that Jerry and the kids had ordered. I ate my meal and then Jerry had me hold his for some reason (we ordered Applebee's to go and brought it back to the hotel room because the babies that were with us hadn't napped and we thought it would be wiser to stay in). So I'm holding his meal and I think it would really be nice to taste it. He had chicken fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy. So I had a bite or two. Then he decides to eat his dessert and I had a bite of that. Ok not so bad.

The next day before we left to come back home we went to Chili's for lunch. Then I decided there wasn't anything on plan that I wanted, but I really wanted the deep fried chicken breast that was dipped in wing sauce and served with ranch dressing as a sandwich. I did order a salad, didn't realize it had carrots on it. Since carrots aren't on the plan, I try to make sure that I don't have them in the salads at restaurants. I only asked for them to remove the croutons. That didn't happen either so Jimmy and I made a pile of croutons on the table. LOL! Jessica asked about the carrots, and I said there aren't that many so it'll be fine. Jess had ordered a soup and salad that came with unlimited tortilla chips and salsa. So I ate a couple of chips. I had wanted another chocolate dessert. Thankfully after eating the sandwich and a couple of french fries along with the salad and other items, I was full so I didn't order the dessert. Jessica was full too. Jimmy however could eat until the cows come home so he didn't understand why we wouldn't order the dessert.

I went in on Tuesday after all these little "cheats" and weighed in. I wasn't sure what to expect because I've been staying off my scale at home lately and hadn't weighed in for a week. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I'd lost 3 lbs., hit the 40 lb. board and passed it by another 1 lb. I was so excited. I even thought wow, I only have 9 more lbs and I'll have lost 50 lbs. I'm really hoping that I can attain that in the next 2 weeks, before we go to Pierre for Mackennzie's 1st birthday. Why? I'm not really sure except that to me it's a milestone. So I go through the rest of the week doing pretty good. I even made brownies with peanut butter chips in them for a dinner with our home group on Wednesday. I got through the dinner not eating anything that wasn't on the plan. But, low and behold on Thursday as I'm making dinner for everyone, I look at the leftover brownies and think, yummy! I really want one. So Jess moves them and says you can't have those. I said, I'm not eating them and I need to learn to make the choice on my own. So we eat dinner and afterwards, I'm still wanting a brownie. So I had a small one. It tasted so good!! Jerry laughed, but I was thinking it's not going to harm me.

Friday night we decided to go and have dinner at Beacon Hills while the kids were at youth group. We haven't been there in a long time. It was great to see that I could follow the plan with their menu. Then Jerry said, sometimes I don't like your diet. I said why? He wanted mozzerella cheesesticks. So I said order them. I might have one or two, and it's going to be fine. So he ordered them and I had 3. Then I had to move the plate closer to him and farther from me because he had only eaten one since the waitress brought his salad not too long after she brought out the appetizer. We get through that part of supper and I had seen a yummy chocolate dessert come out and I said, I really want some more of that. Jerry's laughing because I usually only want chocolate at a certain time of the month and that was last weekend which was understandable to wanting what he had gotten from Applebee's and planning on the chocolate dessert at Chili's. I had even been eating my chocolate supplements from Metabolic, to try and take the craving away. Jerry figures I didn't get enough chocolate in the system to get rid of it and that's why I was still craving it. So we ordered this ooohhhh, so yummy chocolate cake that had chocolate syrup and caramel drizzled on top of whipped cream and there were toffee chips on it. OMG, I was in heaven eating it!! Jerry laughed and said if he wouldn't have moved the plate and put it under another one, we both would have been fighting over who was going to lick it clean. LOL!! It was that good. Now I'm praying and asking God to help me with this so that I can stick to the plan and not keep eating chocolate every day.

I know it's been God's strength that has gotten me this far and when I forget to pray and praise him for getting me through each day, it seems to be a bigger struggle to keep the focus where it needs to be. He is my strength and whom I need to completely rely on to make this body the temple he intended it to be. To Him I'm grateful for being allowed the finances to be able to make the changes that I've needed to make in order to be a better wife, mom, friend, co-worker, etc....

As far as the rest of my life, it seems to be the same thing, when I'm not focusing on God and asking him to get us through, we struggle even more. So we have been trying to make sure that when going down the path of distruction that we stop that and start praying. It seems to make life so much simpler than continuing down the path of misery.

We are 2 weeks away from Mackennzie's birthday, so hopefully I'll post more before then, but definitely will post after we get back. It will be a great weekend, and hopefully we'll have some good pictures to post too.

Oh yeah and I found a swimming suit last night that is 2 sizes smaller than I used to wear! While it's still a plus size, it's so wonderful to know that I'm getting smaller. It's a little snug, but I think it will fit perfectly after I hit the 50 lb. mark. I also figure it's not going to fit at all and I'll need a smaller one after I hit the 75 lb. mark. But it'll at least get me through a few trips to the pool as we travel to South Dakota to visit the kids.

I hope you all have a wonderful week!!

Day 91

So today is Day 91 in this journey and I haven't posted in 3 weeks. I've had quite the struggles lately with this change and journey and now after getting through the last week without cheating once, I'm quite grateful for the strength my Lord has given to me in order to get through. I found that as I stopped praying and asking God to help me every day with this journey, that it became increasingly harder to get through my days w/o cheating. I was still losing weight, but not as much as I should have.



I've also had struggled with a sinus infection for three weeks, which has made life very tiring. I'm very thankful for stronger antibiotics that finally took the pain away and helped me to feel a little more human by Wednesday this last week. I have still felt the need to sleep more, but I'm sure as soon as I'm done with the medicine, my body should be feeling a little more normal.



The day that I went to the doctor for my sinus infection I was also informed that a dear friend and colleague of mine lost her husband on Valentine's Day. So on top of trying to get better, I've been trying to make sure that work runs as smoothly has possible for her now that she's back to work, and had to be at work the entire week she was out. I wasn't able to get the rest that I needed because we had things that needed to be done, and should attempt to have one of us in the office at all times.



So back to my lifestyle change and the areas I've blown it in since I last blogged. Then the ending will be how great my weigh in and measurements went yesterday at Metabolic. I don't tend to cheat during the week, only on the weekends. So since I last posted we've gone through 3 weekends now and only this weekend, have I not cheated.



Valentine's day weekend, Danielle, Ross, Mackennzie and Katie came to visit. We did some wedding shopping and then after church on Saturday night the adults went to Uncle Ron's in Lincoln to go dancing. I'd done pretty good Saturday, the girls went wedding shopping and I had a coupon for a free appetizer at Red Robin, so we went there for lunch. Well I ordered within the plan except that I really love their chicken tortilla soup, so I ordered a cup of it. I remembered to have them leave the sour cream out but I forgot about the tortilla strips. So that was a little cheat. I did well the rest of the day. For supper I had put together a lasagna that Jerry put in the oven for everyone else and I threw my supper together to eat after church. The downfall was when we went dancing we all decided that we needed to go get "drunk" food. LOL! I think that Katie, Kelli & Mike were the only ones who really had more than 2 drinks, but we all thought going to Perkins would be a great idea. Only problem was they were closed by the time we got over there so we ended up going to Village Inn. I started looking at the menu and told Jerry that I was ordering something. So I did and I enjoyed the skillet and the pancakes that came with them. When I weighed in on Monday, Emily got a good laugh out of me saying that I cheated but I didn't put in on the food sheet, because it was the 4th meal for Saturday. I even did good on Sunday when we had a birthday party for Jimmy by not eating any of the cake or ice cream we had.



So the next week I'm doing all that I can to try and feel better along with getting through work. I didn't even have the energy to think about cheating until Friday night after I weighed in. Then I wanted to go to Taco Inn for supper. Jerry said, that's fine you can get a taco salad and that should fit within the plan. Kudos to my husband for thinking of the plan and how I can stay within it. I laughed and said I have no desire to eat within the plan, I want some yummy, fattening, spicy mexican food. So Jerry said that's fine, let's go get supper. So I got one of their platters that has enchiladas on it and figured I wouldn't eat it all. Well wrong, I ate the entire platter and had to push the chips that came with it away and give it to Jerry so I wouldn't eat anymore. Then I did ok through Saturday until supper. We took Jimmy out for his birthday after church. We went to Red Lobster, which in and of itself, not a bad thing because I could order within the plan. I didn't though. I did have the waitress make the salad the way I could have it, but as far as my main dish, not even close. I ate fried, scampi and alfredo shrimp. I didn't eat the pasta with the alfredo shrimp. So that was a plus. I also had the baked potato with the butter and sour cream. I didn't eat the cheddar bay biscuits though. So while the meal as a whole was probably a flop, there were things that I did to try and make it better. After that meal I came home looked at Jerry and said I need your help!! I have got to stop cheating. So I've given him permission to take things out of my hands, ask me what I'm doing and help me to stay on track until May when my first goal is set for my first set of weight loss.



So this week has been better. I've not cheated, but have also had limited food to eat. I'm starting to get tired of eating certain things and I'm trying to change up the foods I eat a little bit. I also was trying not to buy any of my food supplements until I was pretty much out of everything at home. I did that. So yesterday I went in and it was day 90 and the end of 3 months on the plan. I was really excited for my weigh in and had worn layers so that I could strip down to a t-shirt and shorts for my measurements. I'm excited to say that I've lost 35 lbs. and 24 3/4 inches since I started the plan on December 1st. I was excited to see that the 1/2 inch that I had gained in my ankle last month had gone away along with another 1/2 inch. I didn't pay much attention to where the rest of the inches have melted away from. I'm just happy that I've lost over 10 inches in the last month.



Along with that things in our marriage are also improving. Jerry and I started talking with one of our pastors and then last week we found the book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Danielle and Ross had gone to the conference by the same name and given by Dr. Eggerich and his wife in Pierre at the beginning of February. Danielle shared about how much a lot of the things he said made so much sense. Knowing that I've struggled our entire marriage with the respect issue, I asked Jerry if we could get the book. He agreed. We bought it and have been reading it together every night. We go through one chapter a day and work on the things that we are learning. I'm very grateful for a God who knows exactly what we need to read and when we need to read it. This book takes scripture and applies it so well. There were so many things in the way I talked to Jerry that I didn't think of as being disrespectful to him. This last week and a half has been so wonderful. We haven't had any fights, but have been able to discuss some hard stuff. We didn't meet with the pastor this last week due to scheduling conflicts, but I can say it's also the first time that I didn't feel the need to have to meet with him so that we could discuss issues that were hard to discuss w/o his being a mediator for us.



I highly recommend this book to every married couple. Even if you have a great relationship, I do believe that this book can be an eye opener to every couple. I'll try and post again next weekend. I'm also going to wait until I hit the 40 lb. board to post another picture. I hope everyone has a great week!!

Day 70

So I know that I don't usually post pics except for once a month. But I noticed the difference between the way this shirt wears now and the way it looked when I wore it for family pictures, so I thought I'd share.

Now on to this week. I did pretty good this week until yesterday. Tuesday was weigh in day and group day. Going into this I needed 2 1/2 lbs. to lose so I was at 30 lbs. lost. I had dropped 2 lbs when I weighed in and was really excited that by Friday I should be at the 30 lb. mark. I really enjoyed this week's group too. It was on the hormone cortisol and how it really is a bad thing. It's triggered by negative thoughts, fight or flight incidents and things like that where our adrenaline gets going, then it likes to trap fat around our middles. So I've been working on positive thoughts so that I'm not combating more negatives than I really need to.

I shared last week that Jerry and I have been struggling with our marital relationship. So this week has been somewhat of a struggle again. I have felt like the harder I am trying to focus on God and what he wants for our marriage, the harder the enemy is working on trying to get a foot hold on this marriage and family.

I had started talking with Christine about specifics that were bothering me and Jerry has been working with one of the pastors from church. We are planning on meeting with him to work through the areas that seem to be the hardest to get lined up with God. Jerry recently took over control of the finances and that's been a hard one for me, but there has also been freedom in not having those worries. Friday night started a weekend of worship services with church because it was our annual family meetings for church. I went to weigh in before the service and was bummed, but otherwise thought I was ok with the fact that it showed a 1/2 lb. gain. I'm not sure where it came from and wanted to blame it on a plateau, but I truly was ok. I just walked out of Metabolic saying stupid scale. LOL!

Then the service we had was so freeing! One of the areas Jerry and I have been struggling in is an offering that we were giving to the church. We know that God told us the amount we were to give, but as soon as Jerry's settlement money got here, we both started questioning if that was right or not. We went back and forth for awhile, but then said it's what God wanted us to do, we need to do it. The bible is very clear that God states he will bless us and will never forsake us, so what are we afraid of? Why are we afraid of not having enough? So Friday night was the night we were to give the offering and since Jerry was an usher he gave me the check to put in. I prayed over that check and as I did, I could feel God breaking away all the things inside of me that I'd been struggling with the last 2 weeks. My worship time after that was wonderful!!

When we left, everyone was hungry except me because Jerry had brought my supper to eat, but they didn't have enough time to run through a drive-thru for them on their way into town. So Jessica went with me and we ran through Wendy's for her and then I had to run to Hy-Vee to get some items to make cookies and my own diet foods. I found out Friday night that we were co-leaders of a group for church, and the funny thing was I didn't find out from Jerry or from the pastor that we are co-leaders with. I found out from my old neighbor as she had gone and looked at what groups were available to sign up for. That was definitely interesting to say the least.

So we get home, get to bed and Saturday we have basketball for Jimmy, volleyball practice for Jessica and I've got things to get done at home and errands to run before being back for services at 5:00. Jerry took Jimmy to the game and I took Jess to practice. I ate breakfast and had been craving strawberry jam, so I looked at the back of the container to see what the calorie content was and it said 50 calories for 1 tbsp. I only had 1 or 2 tsp. on the piece of toast. That really did satisfy that craving. After dropping Jessica off I came back home to work out. I got a great workout in and then started to make cookies for our table. I was making valentines cookies that were peanut butter cookies with butterfinger hearts on top of them. I was taking tastes of the peanut butter even though I knew I shouldn't be. After the cookies were done, I had burned a few and asked Jerry if there were less calories in burnt cookies. LOL! He said, yes, cause I won't eat them. So I ate one and it tasted good enough that I went to eat another one and Jerry grabbed 1/2 of it out of my mouth. I laughed as he was kicking me out of the kitchen. I had also made some mashed potatoes for Jimmy because he broke his nose at his basketball game and needed soft foods to eat. Well I decided to have a minor temper tantrum because I wasn't getting help in the kitchen and I was being tempted with all the foods I was making. So I took a handful of mashed potatoes and put them in my mouth. Jimmy asked if they tasted good and I said yes. Jerry said and that's supposed to be my fault? I said, no! One of the ladies at church got a laugh out of it when I shared with her.

So we got that done and got to running our errands. One of them was that we needed to stop at Alltel because Jessica's phone wasn't working right. She was having problems with certain keys on her phone. I didn't go in because I was working on wedding stuff and trying to get bridesmaid dresses ordered when Jessica came outside to tell me that she needed me to come back in because Alltel was saying she didn't have a contract and dad wanted to get a blackberry. So I go in and explained to the customer service rep that both the kids lines should be in the middle of a 2 yr. contract because we had just gotten them new phones in September. She said that the computer didn't reflect that so we didn't need to worry, and that Jessica could get a new phone. Then Jerry shows me how he wants a blackberry and how much the plan would cost going forward if he got one. The benefits would be that we would have unlimited texting and still be able to have our nights and weekends at 7:00 but our bill would go up $50/mo. I didn't think that was too wise, and Jerry said ok, so then we just had Jess pick out another phone. Since it wasn't under contract, I believe this was the first way that God is blessing us with our faithfulness the night before in our offering. We saved $200 - $250 on this phone. Right now it's $200, but I have a $50 rebate to send in. I'm not sure if it will be honored or not because we had already submitted the same rebate for the same phone and number for Jessica back in September. But hey, if God can bless us with the computers not properly showing the kids should be under contract, then who am I to put God in a box and say that the $50 rebate isn't going to be honored.

We went to church, had another magnificent evening worshipping and praising. I should back up though, when I was snacking on things I shouldn't have been earlier in the day I told Jerry that I really just wanted to binge this weekend and eat all the things I haven't been able to and then go back on program on Monday. He said why blow a whole weekend. Why not just pick a meal and we can go to Tico's (I love this man in wanting to take me to a Mexican restaurant) and then get back on program the next meal. So while working our group table with him I asked if he really was going to take me to Tico's. He said yes, and I was so happy. I had even figured out what I was going to eat and how I was going to try and eat smaller portions of the items I wanted, but still get those flavors in my mouth. So we went after church and it all tasted so good! Then came this morning. Holy Cow! I had the biggest headache that I've had in a long while. Jerry got up to get me ibuprofen at 6:00 and then he ran Jess to her ride for her VB tournaments so we could go to church. I was miserable until I got back to sleep and then I felt great at 9:30 when I woke up. I told Jerry that while I wouldn't do that on a regular basis, I definitely wouldn't feel bad for having a meal like that every 3 or 4 months. He agreed that wouldn't be a bad thing to do. We went to church and then went to Hy-Vee for lunch because they have everything I can have to eat on their salad bar. Sadly, this time I didn't stick to that. I made a little bit of nachos because that mexican craving was still kicking my backside. I also had some puddings and Jerry just looked at me, laughed and said are you trying to tip the scales the wrong direction on your weigh in? I said, no but I'm done after this. So be praying for me because it seems that I'm not feeling bad for making the choices I am, and I need to get back on track. I would love to blame it on a very busy schedule this weekend, but I need to take responsibility for my choices no matter what area of my life it's in.

I know that I can do better this week and I may have sacrificed some pounds, I'm pretty sure that I'll get them off and work that much harder to make sure that I'm kicking those cravings in the backside. I hope you all have a great week and that next week I'll more positive, less cheating to share!! I need to remember that I still have a goal to attain and by cheating, I won't get there as fast as I want to.

Day 63

Well it's been 2 weeks since I've posted and it's my understanding there are some of you out there waiting to hear what I've got to say. I've done ok, but have had some moments of weakness including tonight as we are watching the Super Bowl.

Last weekend we went to Sioux Falls to do some wedding shopping with Danielle. I had taken what I thought I would need in order to get through the day and not cheat. We thought we were going to be home for supper so I only took enough supplements and food that's not offered in a restaurant to get through snack time. Well we ended up in Sioux Falls through supper and I was upset about not having my supplement or melba toast. But Jerry & Katie helped me to find items on the menu to stick with the plan and just be short on the grain. I could tell on our drive home though that I hadn't gotten my supplement because I was hungry between 8:30 and 9:00 and that's not normal.

At lunch I had gone to a restaurant called Johnny Carino's. It's Danielle's favorite restaurant and since she doesn't get there very often I told her it was fine to eat there. It's an italian restaurant and extremely hard to order something that would be within the diet. I ended up deciding to order part of a couples meal where Jerry and I both got to have a salad/soup, main entree and a mini dessert. So I figured no biggie, I'd just give the dessert to someone else at the table. I got a caeser salad and made sure the dressing and croutons weren't on it. Then I ended up ordering chicken fettucine alfredo. I figured I'd just take the chicken off if it and leave the sauce and pasta for someone else to take home. Well when the entree came I only had one piece of chicken on it. I thought that's really cheap, but the other girl who ordered the same thing didn't look like she had very much chicken either. Then Danielle's came and there was tons of chicken on hers. So I told the waiter about mine and she brought me a bunch more chicken, after Jerry had given me his. She brought it covered in alfredo sauce. I didn't think to say that I didn't want the sauce. So I scraped it off and ate it. Then when it was time for dessert, I was trying to offer it to Sara (Ross's sister) but she wanted something different and could only get it in the big dessert. So I said just bring me the mini cheesecake, and I figured someone would eat it. Well it sat in front of me for 10 minutes and then I decided to try it. Danielle was laughing because I ate it all. It was only 4 bites and I figured I'd get rid of it in all the walking that we were going to do that afternoon.

So as we started into last week, there were lots of things emotionally going on for Jerry and I which was causing lots of stress. So on Tuesday night instead of going and weighing in and taking the class. I met with my new mentor from church who is helping me working on being the woman that God has designed me to be. She is helping me to learn to focus on me and the changes God wants me to do instead of focusing on Jerry and the changes God (or maybe I should say that I) want to see in him. That was so helpful, but at the same time the rest of the week has been stressful to know how much I open my mouth on things that I shouldn't. That night I went to Wal-Mart picked up Fireproof and the Love Dare book. I started doing the Love Dare and reading the Power of a Praying Wife in order to help me keep the focus where it needs to be.

Wednesday night I went and weighed in. I was so excited to see that I had dropped 2 lbs. which put me at 2 1/2 lbs until I'm at 30 lbs lost. I was excited to tell Jeanne (the consultant) that Saturday I'd be back in to get measured since it's 2 months that I've been doing the diet. So I got through the rest of the week and yesterday was excited to get in and be measured and weighed after I worked out. I got in there and haven't weighed in on a Saturday before. Holy cow, it was so busy. But I finally got in and Tiffany (the consultant) measured me and I've lost 13.25 inches across my entire body. But when I got on the scale, there wasn't any change in my weight. Tiff said it's ok, it's only been a few days since your last weigh in and at least there wasn't a gain. I'm hoping that I'll have the 2 1/2 lbs. lost at the next weigh in on Tuesday.

Now on to tonight, I've been craving Mexican food really bad all day long. So in order to get rid of the craving I ended up opening a box of spicy queso and cheddar blanco cheez it's and ate a serving. They were really good, but Christine and I were making stuff for dinner and I said, it didn't take away the craving totally, I wanted to keep eating more. I didn't though. I fixed my dinner, ate it and now I'm full. I'm just hoping that it doesn't set me back any since it could set me back 3 days.

I'm quite thankful that I've done really good at excercising every day since Thursday. I was trying to work out at night and that was hard a few nights this week, but Friday morning I got up and just did a 15 minute workout before work, and that felt great. I was also thankful to have gotten it in because we ended up going to dinner with friends while the kids were at youth group, so I didn't get a chance to finish my workout after work. That was a great feeling too. Most of my closest friends and their husbands went to Grisanti's with us Friday night. I was able to follow my meal and not cheat. It felt great to not pick up the butter soaked bread. I thought I was going to struggle with not getting the salad, but I did just fine. Jerry ate the pasta from my meal and I put the chicken and broccoli on a bread plate and felt great not being stuffed and feeling nauseated leaving there. That I'm pretty sure is a first for me.

So now on to my 10th week of the diet and we'll see where the scale will land. Christine and I were talking about our Valentine's Day plans and decided that we don't want to eat out and it sounds like another friend of ours doesn't have a babysitter for that night so we are going to just go dancing that night (what great excercise). Danielle, Ross, Mackennzie and Danielle's friend Katie (whom we've pretty much adopted) and her boyfriend Anthony will be here to celebrate the evening with us after we do some more wedding shopping in Omaha. So I'm looking forward to that weekend. It will be a lot of fun, and maybe some pounds will be shed with all the excercising that will be done.

I've attached a picture so everyone will have to tell me if you can see a difference or not. I'm not totally sure, but I think it may be because I'm looking at myself every day. Have a great week everyone!!

Day 49

Wow, what a week it's been again this week! We started out the week with our 2 foster children. Monday and Tuesday were pretty trying on the entire family, but mostly Jerry. Monday while I went to work and the temperatures were very cold, Jerry got stuck staying home and not being able to take the little ones anywhere. By Tuesday, he was ready to pull his hair out because the huffing, whining and "no's" were getting the best of him. As I told Jessica on Wednesday evening, I couldn't breathe right for him. LOL!

So Tuesday all day was rough for Jerry and that is the day I have my weigh in and group at Metabolic. I go in and my weigh in shows I've dropped another 2 lbs. Yippee! Although, my scale was saying 4 lbs. Oh well, 2 lbs. is still good. Then the group was really good. I love all the discussion we have about things with our eating. Before I got to Metabolic I had gotten a voice mail from the caseworker, whom I haven't talked to yet and at this point I'm getting a bit upset about not hearing anything from anyone. Her message was that mom was going to court the following morning and that dad has turned up so the kids may be going home with him Wednesday after court. OK, so now we are in limbo for the upcoming 24 hours not knowing if they are going or staying. So I get through with my group and had to run over to Russ's to get eggs and water. I had called home and asked Jessica to ask Jerry nicely to start my dinner so I could eat when I got home because of the time frames that I have with eating. At this point, I think Jerry is starting to melt down and he's telling me how he can't do this anymore. It was a very hard day and he doesn't think he can keep doing foster care. I get home help the little ones clean up their room and eat dinner with Jerry. It's very obvious that he's upset with me, and I'm not really sure why, but I just steered clear of trying to say anything to upset him and thought as long as I focused on taking care of the kids that should help him calm down.

Then Jimmy starts in on how he doesn't like this and hopes they are going home Wednesday. So I spent some more time with him that night. We read and snuggled because he is really having a hard time sharing his mom with others. The following morning by 9:30 I've gotten the phone call, the kids are going home with their dad. I let the caseworker know that I was very unhappy about how this placement went because we didn't know anything that was going on, they dropped the kids off on Friday and now the call that they are going home. She apologized for how it went and asked that we not give up. That foster parents are needed too badly in the system. I said, I'm sure we won't but something needs to change in this process.

So Jerry sends them home with a transportation worker and on with life we go. I come home that night and it's so quiet in my house. Jimmy fell asleep reading his book, Jessica is hanging in her room and Jerry had taken a nap for the afternoon because his back had really been bothering him and he hadn't been getting enough sleep. We had family game night that night and enjoyed reconnecting as a family, just the four of us. We also let Jimmy know that we are still going to keep doing this, and not all little ones are going to require as much work as these did, but some will.

So we finish up the week, and Friday comes for another weigh in. It showed a 1/2 lb. and I was happy with it. I've been able to start working out again, as I was too tired to workout after last Sunday until Thursday night. Friday night after my weigh in we went and did some shopping for Danielle's wedding and got supper at Applebee's while the kids were at youth group. I had started to eat the garlic mashed potatoes that were on my plate while I was talking to Danielle on the phone and Jerry noticed, so he picked my plate up, moved it in front of him and then had the waiter take it. I'm so glad he did. He figured I was eating w/o thinking since I was talking to Danielle. I was. Then that night I felt nauseated and had a headache so bad until Saturday morning. I think it was from whatever was in the potatoes. So I don't think I'll be craving those again.

So the rest of the weekend has gone well. It's been quiet, and now Jessica might be getting a stomach bug. I hope not. We've had a round or two of it already and I don't want any more. I'll be back on to blog more later in the week. I hope you all have a wonderfully, warm week.

Day 42

I can't believe that it's been so long since I blogged last. There has been a whirlwind going through my house since the last time I was on here. Last Tuesday I weighed in right before I started a new group through MRC. It's the class/group that is led by a psychotherapist. I'm already loving it after one class.

Anyway, I had started weighing myself at home like Patty had recommended that I do, so I don't have too big of a shocker if there is a minor gain or loss or no change because I'm in a plateau. So I had weighed myself that morning and Patty and I had been emailing before we went for our weigh in and the class. We both were excited that we should both be hitting our next 10 lb. mark. It was great because when I got into the center Patty did weigh in at the next 10 lb. board, and Robin the center manager did her weigh in, then took me. We went over my food diary, talked about some times that I'm feeling hungry and what I can do about it since on the mornings that I work out I'm feeling hungry in between breakfast and lunch. Plus, I'm feeling hungry sometimes in the late afternoons. She helped me to know that I could add in some other drinks with fiber in them to help with the hunger pains. Then on to the scale. This was the most hilarious weigh in I've had. I get on the scale and it shows a loss, but instead of 20 lbs. I still had a 1/2 lb. to go to get to the 20 lb. board. Robin said, hold on get back on there, blow all the air out of your body. Then she whispers, "Do you have to go poop?" LOL!! OMG, I laughed and said, no I already went to the bathroom before I came in. I said, it's ok, I'm not at the 20 lb. board now, but I will be on Friday when I come back for my weigh in. It's going to be ok.

Then I went in to the group room, I shared with Patty, who felt bad, but I was really ok. So we had our group and then Patty and I couldn't wait to leave because we were starving and ready to get home to eat.

So then as the week has progressed, not only am I getting back into the work routine after being off for almost 2 weeks, but I'm helping my step-daughter Danielle plan her wedding. We have to start paying for different things, like her wedding dress, and the reception hall deposit. Making sure that we have a D.J. lined up for the day, and all the other things that go along with a wedding. This I'm having a lot of fun planning with her and feel extremely blessed that Danielle would allow me to help take part in this most precious day that she & Ross are getting ready for.

So I get through the rest of the week, and then on Friday I know I'm going to weigh in again. I had a meeting for work first thing in the morning at the Pine Lake branch. So I get through that and check my phone as I'm getting ready to leave to go back to my branch and see that I have a voicemail and a text message. The voicemail is from our caseworker for foster care and the text message is from Jerry stating that it's important for me to call him because it's about a placement. So I listen to the VM, and the caseworker said that she has a placement for us, emergency care at this point and they are 3 and 4 years old. Don't know the sexes of the children at this point because it's a result of a drug bust. So I start driving and call Jerry. I'm no more than out of the parking lot and he's telling me that he's accepted the placement and the children should be at our house any moment now. So I said, Ok, I'm on my way home. I just need to call and let Denise know that I won't be coming right back now and call Lynette to clock me out. Not knowing how the day would go, I told Jerry I was going to stop at MRC on my way so that I could get my weigh in out of the way for the day. I stopped and this was the fastest weigh in I've ever done. I let them know we were getting a placement and I just needed to get my weigh in done quickly. The scale said that I was down another pound, so now I'm at 20.5 lbs. Yippee!! The 20 lb. board was made.

So on to getting home. I call Jerry on my way out of the center and he said the kids had just pulled up. So I'm racing home talking to Justina about everything that is going on, and I think at this point she's just as excited if not more excited than I was. I get home and am greeted to a couple of smiling children. Dominic is 4 years old and Aallyiah is 3 years old. On top of that Dominic was born on my 30th birthday and Aallyiah was born on my best friend Christine's 31st birthday. So their birthday's will be easy to remember if they are with us for very long. The worker that dropped them off told me that the reason they were removed was completely different than the reason we were given over the phone. He said the children were seen walking close to the highway or on the highway not far from their home which was in a trailer court close to the highway. They weren't dressed for the weather. Someone saw them and called the police. The police picked them up and went back to their home in which they found very unsanitary conditions. Social Services were called to come and pick up the children so that the police could arrest the mom. They don't arrest parents in front of children in the town that they are from. So we are told that mom at a minimum will have to bond out of jail and after that we aren't sure what has to be done.

Tomorrow we have a meeting with our caseworker in which she will bring out more paperwork and hopefully will have more answers for us on the time frame we are looking at having these children in our home. While I was extremely excited, I have to say that Jerry and I have forgotten what it's like to have preschoolers around. I ended up taking the rest of Friday off because we had to get more things for the kids because we weren't prepared. Since I had said that we could take a baby and another child that could be under the age of 7 or 5, I had a crib and a twin size bed. Well we needed to go out and get a toddler bed because another twin size bed isn't going to fit in the bedroom that we have set up. Plus, I didn't feel like the clothes that mom packed were warm enough for the kids going into colder weather. So off Jerry and I went to Wal-Mart and then we ran to Ashland to p/u kids because they had plans that required a p/u instead of riding home on the bus. We thought it would be a great way to surprise them. Jimmy gets in the van and just says "Hi", but Jessica's eyes about bug out of her head when she gets in. It was quite funny. We let our kids have friends spend the night, I figured that would help Jimmy with the transition since he's been struggling the most with adding children to our home, even though he was just as excited in the beginning when we started the process.

So we get through the first night, barely. I couldn't believe how much energy they had, and I even got help from Jessica and Grace. Poor Jessica is even tired from helping out with them. I didn't realize how bear my cupboards were because we've been buying food that's mostly for my diet and the kids and Jerry have been eating somewhat the same as I've been. So I've got 2 foster kids, my 2 kids and 3 kids spending the night. I don't have enough food for 7 kids, and decide to run to the Waverly McDonald's in the middle of a snow storm with Jerry to feed everyone but me. I have come to realize how much harder it is to keep up this life change this weekend. The biggest thing that I'm having a hard time with is the time frames that I need to stay within to eat, and Saturday night I understood truly why I need to stay within the time frames that Metabolic states. I felt like once Saturday started all I was doing was cleaning, cooking, feeding, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, cooking.......... Holy cow, how much cleaning do I have to do to keep up with these kids. We also had Jimmy's basketball game first thing Saturday morning and then church at 5:15 on Saturday night. Generally we grab either go home after church to eat or go to Hy-Vee for their salad bar. I'm pretty good about taking my supplement at church so that if we are going to get past the time that I need to have eaten, I've got that in me to keep me going. Well, I didn't get that done, so by the time we got out of church and got over to the Hy-Vee on 48th & O, so we could go to Paul & Justina's after that to visit and p/u 2 car seats that Justina said we could have the salad bar was closed and it was over 5 hours since I had last eaten. I didn't really care what we got, I just wanted to eat. So Jerry drives over to Perkins, and the kids are having a melt down about where they are wanting to eat. Jerry finally said that it didn't matter what they wanted, we need to go somewhere that mommy can eat.

So we are at Perkins and I'm having a hard time figuring out what I can eat within my plan and I'm not really caring. I'm ready to order whatever I want to eat and going with it. Jerry found the top sirloin on the menu and it came with 2 side dishes. Well I did good and ordered the steamed broccoli w/o butter as one side, but I told Jerry I'm ordering mashed potatoes and gravy and I'm going to eat them and I don't really care. I had the rest of the items that I needed for the meal, so I had gotten everything that I needed, the potatoes were just extra. So I get my meal and I eat everything else, and then try the potatoes. They were so salty!! I couldn't believe how much salt was in the potatoes and the gravy. On top of that I forgot to ask how they seasoned the steak, so I'm pretty sure there was salt on that too. Oh well, at that point I was so tired I didn't really care. Jerry did though, by the time I got to eating my potatoes, he's looking at me saying, "Does that really taste good." I said, not really, it's pretty salty and I'm going to probably pay for it tomorrow. So I stopped eating them and then as I'm sitting there I find myself picking at them and eating more. So Jerry grabs the last bite with his fork and then asks the waiter to take my plate. He asks if he overstepped his boundaries and I said, no you are just trying to take care of me. After that we ran over to Paul and Justina's, it's 9:30 at night and we should have been going home and going to bed. It was a quick 30 minute visit, and Paul was giving me a hard time about how I complimented their addition. I said, I'm so tired, that I really need you all to just love me where I'm at. Then a little later Paul said, actually Missy you do look completely worn out.

So we got going home and put everyone to bed (they actually all fell asleep on the way home). Thankfully Jessica, Jimmy and Dominic woke up well enough to walk inside. Not only that but Jessica woke up well enough to take Aallyiah in for me too. Today I was awakened at 8:00 to my new sweet lil angels and we had breakfast together, then I took them downstairs to watch tv while I did my workout. I needed it after not getting one on Friday or Saturday. This was the first time we had sat them in front of the tv. Dominic I discovered really likes lil einsteins and he had already told us he likes sponge bob. Aallyiah on the other hand doesn't really care one way or the other about the tv and had more fun playing with different toys that were downstairs while I worked out.

After my workout I got things ready to go so Jimmy and I could have some mommy/son time going to Sam's Club and Wal-Mart. After getting lunch and putting the lil ones down for a nap he and I headed in and spent too much money but now have Jerry set for breakfasts, lunches and some family suppers along with getting more clothes, dishes, coloring books and colors for the kids. I couldn't believe how much I ended up having to get today, especially since we had already made a trip on Friday to get things.

So now I'm ready to get into bed and get some good sleep before I get up in the morning to try and get to work early because I've got to take my lunch a little later in order to come home and meet with our caseworker to find out what the plan is going to be and how long they think we will have our little joys with us. Along with that I'll be addressing several issues that have come up through the weekend. It'll be interesting to see how this new spin on our lives goes. Please keep us in your prayers as we are adjusting to this new change in our lives. Pray especially for Jerry as he's going to have a scheduled routine now Monday thru Friday. Hopefully I've helped to get it started for him because I tried to make sure I was feeding the kids and laying them down for naps at the same time the last two days. I figure that will help him keep things going. I asked if he needed me to make a menu up for him for lunches so he doesn't forget that they'll need a fruit and a veggie with whatever else he decides to feed them. LOL!! He thinks he'll do fine. I'm sure he will.

I'll try and blog more next Friday or Saturday after the next two weigh ins. Have a great week!!

Day 33

I'm so excited to blog today. We got back from Pierre late Tuesday afternoon. After dropping Jimmy off at a friends house to spend the night and then getting the van emptied out, we ran into town so I could weigh in. I was a bit concerned because I ended up cheating on what I was eating both Monday evening and Tuesday at lunch. Not too bad, but it was still cheating. We were coming home on Tuesday and stopped in O'Neill NE for lunch. The first thing we saw was a Taco John's and I thought that was the only choice. Little did I realize there were other choices down the same road, but I was fine with this one. I told Jerry that I was really tired of eating the same thing I'd been eating for the last 4 days, so I was going to order something there. I did order a taco salad with chicken, but also had 4 potato oles with nacho cheese and salsa. Ok, I know most of you are probably laughing saying 4 potato oles. But they tell us at the center than any little thing not on the diet can set us back 3 days.

After we ate Jessica said she was surprised that I didn't feel sick from eating the potato oles because I've been saying that whenever I smell anything deep fried, it makes me feel nauseous. I know it wasn't the potatoes that I was craving though, it was the nacho cheese sauce and the salsa. I got the craving out of the way by having 4 of the potatoes and I was satisfied. So we go to the center and Jessica went in with me to weigh in. We got Eric (the only guy consultant at the center) for my weigh in. As we sat down he asked how things were going and I said, I cheated, I don't feel guilty about it, and I'm ready to move on. He laughed and asked what happened. So I told him how we had been out of town and I had packed the same exact meals for lunch and supper for the previous 4 days, that I couldn't take anymore chicken and salad. Eric asked if I thought I'd have a problem getting back on the program, and I said no, I'm home now and I have everything here, plus I can get back into my routine. He was satisfied with the answer and then got a laugh out of Jessica saying, "I told mom not to cheat, and she didn't listen to me."

So we headed for the scale and I said, as long as I didn't gain anything I'll be happy. Well imagine my surprise when the scale said I lost a pound. I was so excited. So then we stopped to get bottled water for home and then came back home to make supper. Then we went into New Year's Eve and I did just fine, I even got my excercise going back really well again. I've been working out 45 minutes to an hour every day since then. It feels really good to be getting the workouts back in.

Yesterday was New Year's and the Huskers were playing so I did my work out during the first 1/2 of the game while watching it on the big screen with Jerry and Jessica. My mom even called while I was working out and said I sounded winded, then asked if I was working out. I said, yep, I sure am. I had made our traditional chili for the game and had decided that it should be ok to have a bowl at supper because the beans are on my list for a bread and I buy the leanest hamburger for the family. The only part that wasn't on my list of approved foods was the tomato juice and tomato puree.

So today I got up got going and did my work out. Then the kids came in with me to the center for my weigh in and some shopping. I was so ready to weigh in and see what I had lost since Tuesday and then also I asked to be measured because I've been doing the program for a little over a month now. I was very pleased to find out that I've lost another pound and a half so I'm at 16 1/2 lbs lost. After being measured I'm at 5 1/2 total inches lost. It's probably a little different than that because my waist measurement showed an inch and a half gain, but the consultant said she thinks it's because the consultant that measured me the first time didn't measure in the right spot. She measured me 3 times and said, that's not right, it's not possible for you to have gained inches. I wasn't too worried. It'll all keep coming off, and I'm excited for that. My BMI has also dropped 3 points. The scale has a computer program in it that measures all sorts of things with the weight, so it'll be great to watch the BMI drop too.

I hope everyone has had a great start to their New Years. Jessica took a picture of me so I'll post that to see if anyone can tell the difference from the last month.

Day 29

Wow, I can't believe that it's been over a week since I've blogged. I did weigh in 2 times last week but won't weigh in again until tomorrow because I'm in Pierre right now spending time with our daughter Danielle, her fiance Ross and our precious granddaughter Mackennzie since Saturday. It's been a wonderful time and is totally amazing at how much support I have with every family member.

I weighed in last Monday and had lost a 1/2 lb. since the previous Thursday. I figured I was back in a plateau, but the consultant who weighed me said, you've had some great weight loss, you are doing just fine. So it was an ok weigh in.

Wednesday was Christmas Eve and the struggle that night was Jerry's homemade baked potato soup. It smelled so good! Both Jessica and Jerry stood in front of the soup that night and said you aren't going to taste this soup! You are doing too good to give up 3 days of weight loss just for this soup. It's great to see that my family is so good at helping me stay on track when the struggles come. Christmas day wasn't as hard. We had my sister's Sarah and Angie out for Christmas Eve and they spent the night with their children for Christmas morning! It was so much fun to have Santa visiting the house for a 3 and 6 year old. Their eyes are so full of wonder and amazement as they got up and saw the tree. Christmas day we just stayed home and didn't make anything special.

The day after Christmas I went in to weigh in before going to the Pinkman family Christmas celebration. This is where I was hoping the scale would say that I've dropped another 6 lbs because I wanted to be at 20 lbs. of weight loss by Christmas. No such luck, I only had another 1/2 lb. of loss, but hey that's better than a 1/2 lb. gained. So then we went to Jerry's brother's house and had Christmas with his family. The support there was wonderful also. My sister-in-laws were asking questions about what I could and couldn't eat, how my diet worked and how much loss I've had so far. They were wonderful when I said I had only lost a 1/2 lb. since Monday reminding me that the slow loss, stays off better than the quick loss.

After our Christmas celebration we had to go home and pack for Pierre. We got a motel room that had a microwave and fridge in the room so that I could bring all of my food already pre-cut and bagged so that I can just put my meals together. The bad thing about it is that to make it easy I just made a bunch of the same thing, so I'm basically eating the same meal for lunch and supper for 3 days. I'm getting a bit tired of it at this point, but it's only another day and then we'll be going home. We are planning on stopping in Sioux Falls on our way home at a restaurant that is on my list of places I can eat and I'll get something different then.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow's weigh in to see what I've dropped. I'm hoping that there will be a few pounds dropped. I'm also going to be at a month of this change, so I'll get measured and it'll be interesting to see where this weight loss is coming from.

I hope that all of you had a very wonderful Christmas and that your New Year celebrations will be fun and safe! I'll probably blog again before then though!!

Day 18

Well it's day 18 and I haven't blogged in a week. It's such a busy time of year so I didn't have the chance to blog on Monday after my weigh in. On top of having 2 weigh in's this week, we've had Christmas concerts and our final home study for foster care. This morning we even got our first call for a placement. We had to say no because it was for four girls ranging in age from 4 to 15. First we don't have room for any more than 2 and second we aren't taking any children that are older than Jimmy but mostly not over the age of 7. The caseworker was ok with our 'no', but just thought she would see if we were interested.

Monday I went in for the emotions class and then had my weigh in. It was interesting listening to the other women in the class talking about the weakness of cheating. They kept saying how getting through the three days of not making any progress was no fun. Sadly, I found myself thinking, when do I want to cheat during our Christmas celebrations. I came home and shared that with Jerry and he started praying with me that the logic going through my head would flee. That's not what God would want for me to do. It's worked too, I haven't thought again about when and where I'd like to cheat at and lose three days of weight loss. After the class I had my weigh in with Robin the manager of the center. It was a great weigh in. I shared with her that I was grateful to know that she was a Christian and that she prayed for all the clients at her center. So after having a great discussion we went to the scale and I had lost 1 1/2 lbs. That was wonderful!!

Then I went back today and weighed in at lunch. Jerry went with me today because I took a 1/2 day off and we had things to do together. So he went to see what I go through. Got to watch the going through my food journal, taking my blood pressure and having any questions answered before going to the scale. I didn't have any questions today, but did admit to Karen the consultant how I was trying to figure out when I was going to cheat. She smiled when I said that Jerry helped me through it. Then we went to the scale and I was down another 2 lbs. So that's 3 1/2 lbs this week. I'm averaging 5 3/4 lbs. per week. I know I won't be at 25 lbs. next Friday, I'm pretty sure I could be to 20 lbs. lost by then. Since Christmas is next Thursday, I've decided that I'm still going to weigh in on Monday, but my 2nd weigh in isn't going to be until Friday instead of going on Wednesday.

We are going to Pierre to visit Jerry's daughter, fiance and our granddaughter the following Saturday and won't be coming back until Tuesday. So I'm hoping the following week will be a Tuesday and Friday weigh in.

If I don't blog again before next Friday, I wish all of you a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!! May everyone reflect on the real reason we are celebrating the day and be grateful for all the time they get to spend with their family and friends.

Day 12

Well it's day 12 and another day to go for a weigh in. Before I get to that, I'll go over how the week has gone. It's definitely been a better week than last week. I'm not as emotional and can even handle making some food items for the family while making my meals. I still pretty much refuse to do a whole lot because of how much I like food. My family doesn't really like anything that I don't like.

I was extremely excited after my weigh in Monday and started to take the consultant seriously about getting on my excercise equipment and working out. So Monday night I worked out for 20 minutes. I figured that was a good start, 20 minutes on the elliptical every night and building up to 30 minutes because Metabolic suggests not going over 30 minutes due to the calorie and liquid intake they have everyone on. Well Tuesday night we had our home study and I was planning on working out after the lady who completed it left, but I started feeling yucky again, and realized that I definitely have the sinus infection everyone else has had. So I started back up the antibiotics the doctor called out and started on ny-quil that night. I was so congested and felt awful all night long. The next morning I knew there was no way I could get up and go to work. So I called in, got breakfast and went back to bed. I slept until 10:45. I was feeling a bit better, sat up in bed and watched a little tv, then got myself some lunch. I decided at that point that I was feeling better enough to go to work. So I got ready and went in. Today I was still slow moving but was able to get going this morning enough to get to work. We have audits coming up and I have a lot of work to get done before they happen in a little over a week. So I feel guilty being sick and not being at work for a day and a half in the last week.

So today after work I went over to Metabolic, got the same consultant, still don't know her name. So I've decided Monday if I have her again, I'll just need to ask her name. She took my blood pressure again after we talked about the fact that I've been sick since Tuesday. I asked if my starting to get sick could have elevated my blood pressure on Monday night. She said it could have, especially since tonight it was down to 120/80. Still not as low as I'm used to, but much better than Monday nights. We talked about the medicines that I've been taking and she prepared me for a possibility of no weight loss or a weight gain. My body is in survival mode right now trying to fight off the germs in my body, so she said weight loss is the last thing it's thinking about. The other thing she told me was that the antibiotic I'm on can cause water retention and the day-quil and ny-quil have sugars and alcohol in them that go against what I'm trying to accomplish.

So I'm prepared and go in to weigh and I was happily surprised to have lost a 1/2 lb. That puts my weight loss at 10 lbs. now . I told the consultants at the front when we went out for me to order some items that my goal was 25 lbs. by Christmas. I said it might be unrealistic, but that's what I'd like to see gone. Tiffany the other consultant said that if I started excercising the chances are very likely that I could lose close to that by then. So as soon as I start feeling better (and maybe even if I'm not totally better, I'll still start on Saturday) Tomorrow night we are going to the Point of Grace concert so I'll be hurrying home to eat supper and get back out the door with everyone to see the concert. So please be praying that I'll get better and will be motivated to get on my elliptical or my Wii fit in order to get my excercise going and make this weight loss drop even better.