Day 133

Wow, I can't believe that it's been 3 weeks since I've posted last. Today is Easter Sunday and I'm preparing the meal for my family. We are having my mom and sister Angie, along with my nephew Damien for lunch and then my sister Sarah and niece Taylor will be out later after spending lunch with my other sister Carol and my dad. Long story, but basically the family is divided and I often wonder if we'll ever reunite and be able to spend holiday's together as an entire family.

The last time I posted I had hit the 40 lb. board. As of last Thursday I was 2 1/2 lbs. from the 50 lb. board and think I'll hit it sometime this next week. I'm really excited. I get more and more excited because basically from the beginning to middle of February through the end of March I wasn't able to stay on track with the plan on the weekends. I'd have little cheats here and there. I would be ok with it because I was still losing weight. I finally got to a point where I wasn't ok with it because I was only dropping 1 lb. a week. While some of you might think, at least you are still losing weight, my thought process was Metabolic promises me an average loss of 3-5 lbs. per week as long as I stay on the plan. I'm paying out good money to lose 3-5 lbs. a week and I'm not following what they are tellng me to do. So my friend Patty recommended that I sit down with Robin so that I could have a good talk with her to help me get back on track. I did exactly that. Even though I knew Robin would give me the "look". You know the one that says, "I don't understand why you are doing this to yourself. I know that you can do this, and you are making choices that aren't good for you." I hate the "look". Patty reminded me that it's the accountability look she was giving me and whenever she got it from Robin she didn't like it either, but we all need it.

So that night for my weigh in which was about 2 weeks ago, Robin came out and I said, I need a Robin weigh in, I'm needing the "look". She laughed, grabbed my chart and said, ok, let's go. We talked and I shared with her how I don't understand how I'm making choices and justifying them throughout the weekend. I shared where I had made different choices through the weekend and that each time I'd say well it was only this many calories, or I'll just work it off in a workout, or I'll still lose weight. Then Robin reminded me how this program isn't focused on calories. It's focus is on our blood sugars and how these foods are scientifically proven the way they are eaten together to keep your blood sugars at a certain level in order to aid in burning fat and attaining weight loss. So that really helped. She said, maybe you need to start with a small goal as far as eating goes. Start out saying for the month of April, I'm not going to deviate from the plan at all. Then once you see that you got through April, do the same thing for May. So I took that and put it into play.

I was telling Robin how I thought this month was going to be harder than getting through Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. You see, I had already figured that each weekend was going to be blown because the first weekend in April was Mackennzie's first birthday and we were going to be in Pierre from Friday till Sunday. Just being out of town and eating out makes it hard to follow the plan. There are so many areas of distraction. Then this weekend is Easter. Again, how hard will that be with all yummy food, but this seems to be an easier thing than the weekend before. I can just think in terms of Thanksgiving and Christmas for this weekend. Then next weekend is my birthday, who doesn't want to go to their favorite restaurant and celebrate with their favorite foods? The last weekend is Jessica's birthday, which means another birthday party and more eating out.

Well, I made it through last weekend, I even cooked for Mackennzie's party and had everyone else trying the food to make sure it was prepared right instead of trying it myself. I passed out cupcakes and ice cream and didn't touch a thing. Ross's sister Sara even commented how I was a strong woman for being able to do all that and still not even take a lick. I said, I have a greater goal than eating the cupcake. As we left that afternoon to relax at the hotel, I told Jerry that it was totally God's strength that had gotten me through the day, because I didn't even feel like wanting to eat any of it. I had made my layer dip and sloppy joe's and didn't want any of them. I know it had to be God because there's no way before I started this program I would have turned either of those down.

My weigh in's this week helped keep the motivation going, I was a little disappointed Monday that I had only dropped a pound and a half in the last week, but on Thursday when I went in I had dropped another 2 lbs. So that had really helped me to want to stick with it so I can see where I'm at on Monday when I weigh in again. So far this weekend has gone well, but I haven't finished Easter lunch yet either. I don't think I have anything to worry about. I've got God helping me out and getting me through this one step at a time. I've also taken time to reflect what this weekend means and how what God has called me to do is so miniscule compared to what he asked of his son. When it comes to my body, he asks that I make it a living temple for him. So take care of it, right? Why should that be so hard. Especially when I think of what Jesus did so that I could have a relationship with God that is so close and intimate.

I've found that lately I've been struggling with my relationship with God. I'm not understanding why certain things aren't happening. Of course, I'm reminded that it's not my timing and God isn't around just to make things go my way. Ouch!! I still struggle though and I'm needing prayers to help me get out of this funk I've found myself in. It's times like these where I feel like such a hypocrite, but I know that no matter what we are all hypocrites because we attain not to sin, but we still mess up and if we are witnessing to others about God's grace and mercy along with showing them how the bible says to live, it may not match up with how I'm living all the time. So I need to move on.

So as I go into this week and continue to reflect on how my Lord has saved me by dying such a painful death, I pray that my journey to a healthier life becomes a little bit easier. Since it's nothing compared to what he went through.

I'm excited for my birthday on Friday, but really more excited for the plans I've made on Saturday because they don't revolve around food at all. I'm going with my friend Chris and we are getting manicures, pedicures and then yeah, we are going to have lunch. After that she was kind enough to let me go and get a massage, and she'll visit with her sister-in-law who owns the shop where I get my massages at, or she'll watch as her daughter is getting her hair done for prom which is that night.

I'm adding a picture to this post since I didn't get one posted at 40 lbs. and I really like the picture that was taken last night by Jerry. I'm wearing a dress that is 2 sizes smaller than what I was wearing before I started the program. It's a great feeling!!