Day 3

I wasn't going to blog until tomorrow after my weigh in, but felt the need to write tonight. The last two days have been hard. I can tell that there's something going through my mind telling me about the food I can't eat. I know that it's going to be hard, but I didn't realize how hard, until last night when I made a meal that was awful and made myself eat it because I didn't want to waste anything. My emotions tend to be all over the board too. I am just fine and happy one moment, the next I'm cranky and usually with Jerry or the kids because they aren't being sensitive enough in my eyes to the changes I've got to make. Then last but not least (but the most amusing to my closest friends) I will cry for no reason what so ever. The last time being this morning after I had gotten upset with Jerry for not helping me out.

The struggle I've noticed the most is the expectation that my family will help me make my meals and then sit down to have a meal together. We haven't had a meal together yet. Yesterday I was feeling completely abandoned by them because nobody was ready to make or have supper between 6 and 6:30 and I need to eat my supper by 6:30 in order to keep with the time frames that I've been given.

Today I took a class on changes at the weight loss center. It was good, but as I told my friends earlier today, I'm looking forward to the class on Monday because it's emotions. Then maybe I'll understand why I'm reacting in a way that I haven't ever generally reacted before.

Right now we are also in the process of becoming a licensed foster care home. So not only am I making forever changes with my body, but we are getting things ready to add more children to our home. Am I crazy? Maybe! I've found that I'm excited with all the things going on with the foster care process and I can't wait for my weigh in tomorrow. So much so that I think I'm going to weigh in at lunch tomorrow instead of after work.

I truly pray that this passion for this change stays the entire time that I'm working it. I know that there will be mistakes made, but I've been praying that God will help me to keep the focus on making this body a healthier temple for Him. I know that it will only be by His strength that I'll be able to get through this change and become a healthier me. Well, that's all until tomorrow when I can announce how much more has dropped from my body.

Jerry did say tonight that he's sure I've lost more, either that or it's the way I'm carrying myself, he said. I'm glad he is noticing, because I can't tell yet. I figure I'll be able to see/feel it when we get to the 30 lb. mark but it takes 1 lb. at a time to get there.